How to Write a Wedding Speech That Doesn't Sound Like AI Wrote It

Jul 2
8 min read

We've all been there. The toast begins, and fairly quickly, you can tell it was written by AI. Maybe it's the overuse of the phrases "journey together," "soulmates," or "partners in crime." Maybe it's the lack of specific stories. Or maybe it's when they all say some version of: "Today is more than just a wedding, it's a celebration of love."

What happened to authenticity? To personality? To heartfelt stories and memories? Don't those matter more than a perfectly written toast?

Lately, I feel like most of the wedding speeches I hear are 1) formatted identically, 2) built from the same

vocabulary, and 3) more often than not, could be about any couple.

Perhaps this is indicative of a larger problem in society around the lost art of writing, creativity, reading, and art. But that's for another day.

Why the stakes for your wedding speech are lower than you think

Yes, I've heard the stat that people are more afraid of public speaking than death. But the stakes are lower than you think. You're not writing the next American novel or sharing this with millions of people. You are in a room of your closest friends (probably no more than 200), and it's maybe one of the only times in your entire life you will be able to tell your best friend how incredible and unique they are, and everything you love about them and their new life partner.

The reframe is: "I am so excited to share everything I love about my friend with their family and friends."

I've attended a lot of weddings and given a lot of wedding speeches. By no means am I a public speaking expert, nor an incredible writer. But I think that makes me more qualified than anyone. Because if I'm being honest with myself, I am very average at both of those things, which makes me just like everyone else :) So below I'm giving you a step by step guide of how to write a wedding speech.

A quick note: this guide assumes you are friends with the bride, so the majority of the speech will be about the bride and your relationship with her before you speak about the groom. You can flip this if you are a friend of the groom's.

How to write a wedding speech in 6 steps (mostly without AI)

Step 1: Brainstorm the basics of your speech

Before you write a single word, answer these questions:

What is your time limit? It really should be under 4 minutes max IMO.
What do you want the tone of the speech to be? Funny, serious, sentimental, silly. I'm not saying that if you're making a sentimental speech you can't have a funny moment. But I would limit that funny moment to 1 really good story or quote for a laugh. Try not to mix too many emotions into 1 speech.
What are the 3 (YES, 3) favorite or most prevalent qualities about your friend?
What are the 2 (YES, 2) qualities about their partner?

Step 2: Sort through your memories

I'll admit, I am a hoarder and have kept every letter and note that my friends have ever given me. If you are also type-A like me, search through them. Write down quotes, common themes, and stories from your physical memories.
If you aren't a hoarder, search through texts, Facebook posts, and Instagram DMs to do the same.
Write down 3 favorite memories of your friend.
Write down 1 memory with them and their partner.

Step 3: Start writing your speech

This is the biggest step, so let's break it down into the intro, the bride section, the groom section, and the closing.

Introduce yourself confidently

Don't say "for those of you who don't know me, my name is Catherine." It's overused and honestly kind of stupid. Introduce yourself with a specific, confident line:

"Hi everyone, I'm Catherine, and Emily and I have been best friends ever since she moved in across the hall from me sophomore year."

Notice how specific that is. Specificity is what makes a wedding speech memorable.

Thank the families

I think this is a lost art. Even though these days the bride and groom are often paying for the wedding, I still think it's respectful to thank the family that raised them to be such incredible people.

Write the "Why the Bride Is Great" section

Introduce the letter, note, artifact, or main story you are going to use about the bride to frame the section.

For instance, in a recent speech, I referenced how my friend is the queen of writing notes. For every occasion. She remembers everything, and all of her friends have piles of notes from her over the years.

But it could be a specific memory where your friend did something heroic. Or the fact that they are obsessed with Pokemon. Or that they can quote the entirety of every movie known to mankind. Whatever it is, introduce it. Honestly, sometimes the simplest thing makes for the most interesting speech.

Here's how I opened the "why Emily is great" section:

Emily is known to write thoughtful, beautiful letters to her friends. I'm sure we all have a pile of them at home from over the years. Emily, I've kept every single letter you've ever given me. And like many of the people in this room, I have them for every kind of moment: of course the big moments like birthdays, graduations, heartbreak and loss. But also the just-because moments. I have postcards from your drive across the country visiting every national park just to say hi. I have a letter from when I got my wisdom teeth out that says, "teeth or not, you're still the wisest mother f***er I know." And when 30 of us showed up to Jackson Hole for her bachelorette, we each walked into our rooms to find a handwritten note waiting on the bed.

Then, share what this hobby, story, or memory tells about them as a person, friend, and partner. This is where you reference those 3 qualities you brainstormed in Step 1:

These letters are a physical representation of who Emily is. She's consistent: she shows up for the people she loves every time. She's thoughtful: she remembers every life event, big or small. She's brilliant, vulnerable, and an excellent communicator: these letters now serve as a little time capsule of our life.

Write the "Why the Groom Is Great" section

Now it's time to transition to the groom. This is where it can get a little tricky, because you want to tie in a similar thread to why the groom is great. Does he have a similar hobby? Is there another short story you can tell about the groom that ties nicely into your story about the bride? It should be similar enough but doesn't have to be exactly the same. Maybe he has a similar obsession, but with Harry Potter. Or maybe he writes poetry. Whatever it is, share it briefly and what it tells about him. Return to the qualities you brainstormed in Step 1.

Here's how I transitioned to the groom in my Emily and James speech:

And now I have a new favorite letter. This one came with Emily and James on their visit to LA a few months ago, and it's special because it's the first with two sets of handwriting. Both Emily's and James's. And James didn't just sign his name at the bottom after Emily's note, which I myself am guilty of doing. He wrote his own personal note to us. It's a small gesture, but it says everything. He cares for his people the same way Emily does. And James, you show this in so many ways. The way you've embraced the St. Andrew's community as your own, visiting campus for reunion and flying across the country for our weekend trips. The way you patiently taught me to make the crispy cheese tacos now on rotation at our house. And the way you are so clearly Emily's biggest fan and supporter in every area of her life.

Write your closing

Keep it simple. Personally, I like to bring it back to the bride and then close again on the groom instead of doing the more common "why they're great together." I just feel like all of the other speeches will do that or share a similar sentiment. And I like to mix things up.

Here's how I closed:

Emily has always been the person who shows up for everyone else, whether in person or in a handwritten note. James, what makes me happiest this weekend is knowing she's found someone who shows up like that for her. I love you both. Cheers!

Step 4: (Gasp!) Run it through AI

I know, I know. I said this is how to write your speech without AI. But you've already written it. This is for final edits and small improvements.

Personally, I run the speech through Claude and ask: "Please review this speech and, without changing my tone or language, make suggestions to 1) remove redundancies, 2) keep it under 4 minutes, and 3) improve any organization or structure."

Then, use your judgment. Don't just take the Claude version. Compare paragraph by paragraph. AI can be helpful with structure and removing repetitive language, but the intent and style of your speech should remain intact. It should sound like you.

Step 5: Send it to one or two friends (no more)

To no more than 2 friends. I repeat: send to no more than 2 friends. These friends should be 1) good writers who have given a fair amount of wedding speeches, and 2) people who also know the bride and groom.

Avoid gathering too much feedback. You're likely to get conflicting notes and end up second-guessing everything.

I find that my friends sometimes have a cute addition to a memory or story that I've forgotten, or a really sweet way to end the speech. It's more for content than for actual structure.

Step 6: Practice (but not too much)

I like to practice about 2 times a day for the week leading up to the wedding. This feels less stressful than cramming the speech 20 times the day before, and my brain slowly memorizes it, so it comes out more naturally on the day. I'm not reading straight from the paper.

And on that note: print it out. Maybe I'm old school, but I hate when people read speeches off their phones!

What to avoid in a wedding speech

Stay away from the obvious wedding speech tropes: "they feel like home," "opposites attract," "the best team," or "he balances you out."
No embarrassing stories. If you're unsure, that means leave it out.
This goes without saying, but no mention of any exes. No matter what. Even if they are still friends. Even if the ex is at the wedding.
No mention of family or friend drama.
If you are going to mention something sad (the loss of a loved one, a traumatic event, etc.), this is the one time you should ask the bride in advance. They are expecting to be happy on their wedding day, and the shock of a sad story is not ideal. They might be ok with it, but definitely ask first.

Wedding speech FAQs

How long should a wedding speech be?Under 4 minutes, ideally. That's about 500 to 550 spoken words. If your speech runs longer than 5 minutes, cut it down.

When are wedding speeches given?Wedding speeches are typically given at the wedding reception (right after dinner), but can also happen at the rehearsal dinner, bridal shower, engagement party, or welcome party the night before. If you're a maid of honor or best man, expect to give one at the reception.

Should I write my speech myself or use AI?Write it yourself first. Use AI (Claude, ChatGPT) only for final edits: structure, redundancies, and length. If you skip the writing-it-yourself step, the speech will sound generic and everyone will know.

What should I do if I get nervous?Practice twice a day for the week before the wedding. Print out the speech (don't read from your phone). Breathe. Remember that you're speaking to friends, not strangers.

Do I have to thank the parents?No, but I think it's respectful and it's a lost art. Even a single sentence acknowledging the family works.

THE WEDDIT